So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
