I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
