He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
