just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's blow job season.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
