if i can run in heels then i can drive
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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