I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His nipple licking is glorious
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