he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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