I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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