she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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