Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
