tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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