You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
