yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
