Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
please come you make the beer taste better
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
