He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
