just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
