OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
