Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
