I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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