I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
