We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
