You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
