he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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