last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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