I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
