My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
