What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
