Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
