guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
