I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
