Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
