and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
