And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
a search helicopter?!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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