I met the friendliest cop last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
