We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Someone shit on the floor
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
