Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
