Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
