So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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