did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
