I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
