Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Clearly I made an impression.

(404): View more from Georgia

Or at least your vagina did.

Fav 9 5134 1259
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(425): View more from Washington

I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.

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(740): View more from Ohio

So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?

Fav 11 1894 4372
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?

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(917): View more from New York City

He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.

Fav 5 3103 1092
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.

Fav 2 829 596
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(585): View more from New York

I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila

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