So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
