I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
