The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
