Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
