have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
