ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
