She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
