i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
