Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
