I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
